Introduction
background photo: Bill LaRue
Spiritual Perversion is an account of my fifteen-year experience
in a psychic/religious cult in Berkeley, California. It is a painfully
honest narrative that takes the reader deep within the cult experience.
For this reason, it may be challenging to read. It goes to some dark places,
revealing how the cult took advantage of me, and people like myself, who
were on a seeking path and vulnerable to misdirection. This story exposes
how Reverend Bill, the leader of the cult, exerted his convoluted
and multi-faceted mind control over us all and the psychological
depths of abuse we suffered and learned to impose on each other in order
to survive. In spite of the dark subject, I don't believe the telling
of this story ever loses its humanity. I managed to keep a spark of soul
alive during those fifteen years, and this is reflected in the wide range
of raw emotions expressed throughout the book.
Many people have given me feedback about how my story reminds them of similar experiences they have endured. One woman said my story reminded her of a disciplinarian dance teacher she had studied with, who sucked her in and betrayed her. Several people told me they were reminded of a long-term, abusive relationship they had been trapped in. Others shared stories with me about non-consensual safeguarding of family secrets that had been left unresolved, leaving them traumatized and scarred, even as adults. Still others spoke of the self-righteous abusiveness that their religious doctrines and their guardians imposed.
Writing Spiritual Perversion has been a prolonged act of self-compassion and a fulfillment of my need to understand what happened and how to heal. During the writing it became of paramount importance to find spiritual resolution, both for my personal well-being and for the book. This burning desire for resolution kept me going, even as the writing evoked waking and nocturnal nightmares while reliving the pain and despair. But, the writing also served as a catharsis that fed my heart and spirit, eventually clearing the way for the spiritual redemption that was my natural right. So the story, the book, and I grew together.
Steve Sanchez